Taking a look at the negative effects of conflict avoidance can motivate you to make some changes. Speaking to a qualified therapist can help you learn how to better manage your negative emotions. While avoidance sometimes seems like the best way to deal with conflict, in the long run it ends up harming our intimacy. All articles are written in conjunction with the Makin Wellness research team. The content on this page is not a replacement for professional diagnosis, treatment, or informed advice. It is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before making any decisions or taking action.
Conflict Resolution Tips
- Accordingly, some maintain a theory of growth, the perspective that relationships develop gradually over time and that problem resolution inherently leads to a greater connection and a growing relationship.
- You could say you fear coming off as needy or high-maintenance (or whatever your fear might be), but that you still hope the two of you can work together to ensure both people are having their needs met in the relationship.
- You’ll have better conflict resolution skills and be able to speak up so that your desires are left unfulfilled.
- Think of arguments as opportunities to connect and find solutions together.
Gottman has found that it is the top predictor of divorce.3 Contemptuous remarks are those that belittle your partner. It can also include nonverbal behavior like rolling your eyes or smirking. Such behavior is extremely disrespectful, and implies that you’re disgusted with your partner.
Poorly Managed Conflict
Conflict avoidance can strain relationships and hinder personal growth. In this blog, we explore roots of conflict avoidance in relationships and identify tips for overcoming it. There can be legitimate reasons for avoiding conflict, such as the need to break off an abusive relationship. But in many cases, interpersonal conflict resolution could help repair a relationship, to the benefit of all involved, or end it with less pain. Through a better understanding of conflict avoidance, we can become more comfortable with interpersonal conflict resolution at work and in our personal lives. Suppose you’re someone who avoids conflict, or fearful of conflict or can’t stop avoiding conflict.
tips for overcoming conflict avoidance
The reality is that communication is a skill that you must develop—and it can be hard work. “It’s OK to express that you need a moment or more to process your feelings before responding,” Spinelli says and adds that pausing before responding relieves the pressure to react immediately. A pregnant pause also helps you think your options through clearly. Let’s say you want to remind your boss that you don’t answer work calls after 5 p.m. If you worry that your boss will fire you for reinforcing this boundary, you might remind yourself that your boss is a reasonable person who values work-life balance. Conflict can make most people feel uneasy, whether a full-blown how to deal with someone who avoids conflict argument or a civil confrontation.
They can help you understand the underlying causes of your avoidance and guide you through the process of overcoming it. Remember, seeking help is a positive step towards improving your quality of life and relationships. The need to avoid a conflict with a partner who is unable to consider an opposing point of view may be a smart option. Circumventing power struggles by calmly and assertively identifying three or four critical boundaries helps a person determine the partner’s ability to be respectful. Alternatively, a partner who shirks disclosing selfish or hurtful behaviors to avoid a fight may be evading accountability. Understanding each conflict avoidant style may inform a person about the emotional safety of the relationship.
If you’ve hurt the other person, take responsibility for your actions and be prepared to apologize before discussing how to move forward. Avoiding arguments might create a temporary sense of peace, but it’s not genuine connection. It can actually be a sign of underlying issues or a lack of true intimacy. Healthy couples are able to disagree respectfully, work through problems together, and emerge stronger on the other side. While constant fighting is definitely not healthy, a relationship without any conflict might seem too good to be true.
- It’s important to emphasize that they may not always be fully conscious of factors causing the tension that contribute to undermining their commitment.
- A study on workplace incivility found that avoiding conflict doesn’t stop friction from reoccurring in the workplace.
- When disagreements or conflicts arose, he was quick to develop self-doubt and even blame himself for the conflict.
- Through a better understanding of conflict avoidance, we can become more comfortable with interpersonal conflict resolution at work and in our personal lives.
